Interview with S. Bear Bergman
On celebrating Pride and empowering allies to create safe spaces for trans kids
I have been a fan of S. Bear Berman ever since reading his essay collection called The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You.
I read it when Jake was young and some of the images in Bear’s essays felt like they had been lifted out of Jake’s imagination. Bear’s work, along with lots of other trans writers, provided material for me to pattern match between what I saw in my kiddo and what these incredible trans adults were putting on the page. In the company of trans writers, I was able to see Jake much more clearly than I ever could have without their stories. I just didn’t have enough information or experience.
There was an auction over at his independent press, I think. One of the prizes was a visit. Among other amazing treasures. I wanted to meet him. And I did. It was one of the most important moments in my life as the parent of a trans person. Since then, we have been supporting each other’s work. And I’m so, so thrilled to open this window into his thinking for you.
You should also buy his books. You would probably really vibe with Special Topics in Being a Parent or Special Topics in Being a Human. Since most of you here are parents, and human beings!
S. Bear Bergman is the author of nine books, founder of Flamingo Rampant press, and frequent consultant in equity and inclusion to business and government. Bear began his work in equity at the age of 15, as a founding member of the first ever Gay/Straight Alliance and has continued to help organizations and institutions move further along the pathways to justice ever since. Bear’s work in equity education has brought him to sporting arenas, field offices in actual fields, code-named government buildings in unplottable locations, and many unremarkable boardrooms in which great and lasting change has begun and continued. These days Bear spends his time making trans cultural competency interventions however he can and trying to avoid stepping on his children’s Lego.
Cristina: It’s Pride month! Do you celebrate? If so, how? If you don’t celebrate Pride specifically, what is one way you keep joy alive during hard times?
Bear: I do celebrate Pride, but let’s be clear: I don’t celebrate it as a corporate holiday or a rainbow-branded sales event. I celebrate Pride like it’s a religious observance: with reverence, storytelling, and chosen family (okay, also a great outfit, but that too is very Jewish). My Pride is full of potlucks, movie nights, crafts fairs, sharing experiences and ideas with queer and trans people 30 years younger or older, and reminding basically everyone who crosses my path that joy is resistance—especially joy that’s shared, accessible, and unapologetically queer. And as a queer Jew, I keep joy alive the way my people always have: through ritual, humor, delicious food, and helping each other through. Some years, joy is a protest march. Some years, it’s a snack platter and then a nap in your fancy pajamas.
Cristina: We are six months into the current administration and on the cusp of hearing a decision from the US Supreme Court regarding gender-affirming care bans for minors. What is top of mind for you about our current political moment? How does it impact you personally?
Bear: What’s top of mind for me is the young people. It’s grotesque how much political capital is being generated by targeting trans youth and their families—how expendable our most vulnerable have become in the eyes of people who should know better. And yes, it impacts me personally. I’m a trans parent raising a nonbinary kid. I have young trans people in my life who are literally uncertain whether there’s a pathway to being allowed to grow up, if anyone will fight for them. They want us demoralized, despairing. They want us to stop building trans futures. But we’re still here, building them anyway.
What I would love to see is the affirming straight cis parents of trans kids - like you - being intentional and active about making sure their GIaNT (gender-independent, nonbinary, trans) kids are in community with trans and nonbinary adults. I am startled recently to discover that there are a lot of GIaNT young people whose parents and communities have affirmed them in their genders, which is excellent, but because they never had to make their own way about it they haven’t had any reason or opportunity to be in community with trans nonbinary, or genderqueer adults. That’s a problem right now. We really, really need each other. The adults have been through a lot of nonsense that many of those young people have been spared up to now, and we have resources and tools and encouragement and validation they need to be well and feel more prepared.
Cristina: During a speech at the 2025 Peace Ball Angela Davis recalled Martin Luther King’s mindset about combating oppression. She said, “we cannot capitulate to finite disappointments, and what we do is we confront those finite disappointments with infinite hope.” Infinite hope is a level of faith that I can only aspire to, but I do aspire. I’m wondering who or what sends your spirit in the direction of infinite hope?
Bear: I definitely do not move through the world in a state of “infinite hope,” (mostly what I have, left to my own devices, is anxiety and indigestion). However. What I do have is a community that lends me hope when I’ve run out. What keeps me going is watching people love themselves out loud. Seeing GIaNT young people build a world that’s funnier, sharper, more visionary than anything I knew was possible at their age. It’s my friends who organize mutual aid like it’s a love language. It’s elders who keep showing up to remind us we’re part of something much bigger and longer. Infinite hope isn’t something I possess—it’s something I’m held in, when I need it most.
Cristina: So many friends and families want to be good allies to the trans community. What is one action you’d ask allies to take to support the community during Pride month?
I’d ask you to speak up. Especially when there are no trans people in the room. At your school board meeting. At your family dinner. At your workplace. Allyship isn’t just about marching with us in June; it’s about making the world less hostile in December, too. If I get to make a request for Pride month, I’m asking allies to pick one system they’re connected to—schools, clinics, libraries, places of worship—and work to make that space safer for trans people. Not just performatively, but materially. Make the call. Show up to the meeting. Ask the uncomfortable question. Donate. Volunteer. Be the reason someone trans feels less alone, even if they don't take up your proposal or change the signs. Stand there and make the request as though there is no reason in the world not to (because there isn’t). Hold the space for us so we can have a little rest for a minute. I promise, it makes a huge difference.
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