About Bliss Excerpt

The passage that is closest to my heart.

In About Bliss, I interview trans thought leaders so that other parents of trans kids can meet full grown adults who are able to look back and help us understand the trans experience. At the end of the book, I include an interview with my favorite trans leader, my son. Here it is:

Buy About Bliss

Jake is my son, a 15-year-old boy who enjoys drawing, playing

video games, and petting his cats. He is training for his black belt

in taekwondo, and when he grows up he wants to draw graphic

novels and spend some part of his life working as a fire fighter

and first responder.

Cristina: Jake, it was a really big deal to let me write about your

story. What made you feel supportive about the book and why

do you want people to know about your life?

Jake: I think it’s important for people to know that this is what the

reality is or could be like. You always see these bad stories, but my

story encompasses a realistic idea of a supportive parent. It’s not

gonna be perfect, because nothing’s perfect, but there hasn’t ever

been a time where you told me “Oh, no, you can’t dress like that,”

or “Oh, no, you can’t do that.” Whatever I felt like doing, I kind of

just did. And that was the key to figuring out my identity. I feel

like it’s a lot more confusing if you’re trying to fit into something

instead of just letting the kid figure it out.

I always kind of saw myself as a tomboy. And then when I

started to get to puberty I realized there was stuff that I wanted to

change about myself. I remember whenever I was thinking about

myself when I was older I would always think of myself as a dad.

And then I would correct myself, “Oh, wait, no, I have to be like,

a mom.” And then I remember when I first started

using he/him pronouns: I was like, yeah, I like this. It was a lot

more fitting. I thought about staying “middle,” but when I used

he/him pronouns and thought about the deep voice I felt like it

would fit me better. I thought would be awesome.

Cristina: Yes, that’s the joy I’ve always seen in you. That’s why

I called the book About Bliss; whenever you’ve done something

that’s taken you more down the masculine spectrum, I have al-

ways seen your energy increase. Can we move to a new topic? Talk

a little about what motivated you to do the egg retrieval?

Jake: It was about having options. I knew it was kind of gonna

stink to do it. But I also knew if I grew up, and I realized I wanted

my own kid, it would stink even more to know I had the option

and I didn’t take myself up on it. I thought it would be better to

just have one hard week instead of a lifetime of “Dang, I really

wish I could have my own kid.” I’d be totally happy with adopting

a kid. I just thought in the long run there could be some point

where I’d want a biological kid.

And honestly, it wasn’t that bad. I did it over a break, too. So

it wasn’t disruptive. In the moment it seemed kind of bad. And

it was overwhelming to have all the female stuff, like getting a

period. I really felt uncomfortable with that. But it was only a

week. And then it was over. It was pretty easy.

Also, not many people have retrieved eggs without going off

blockers. So I wanted to do it also for, not for science exactly, but

just because it could be helping a lot of other people. I knew if

I did it, and it ended up successful, then that would be pretty

monumental for other people. I’m always keeping in mind that

it might not work, obviously, because it’s prepubertal. But if it

does work…

Cristina: It’s really brave to share your life with other people.

What it’s like for you to think about other people reading about

you? Is there anything you want readers to know or to take from

your story?

Jake: I think it is a little nerve-racking in the sense that it’s always

going to be out there. That’s why I want to change my name in

the story. Because, if it does get published, it’s for the rest of my

life. I just want to be seen as me. Not like he’s trans and he has

a story. If my story is introduced before, say, I go into a meeting

and other people are talking to me as a trans person rather than

just seeing my personality, it’s a lot different. I’m totally fine with

who I am, I just want to be seen as me first.

But I also really want other trans kids to know they can stay

true to themselves. I think the best thing about my story is that

I always just did my thing. And by doing my thing I really grew

to feel confident in who I was. And I feel really strong about my

identity. I know a lot of people go through a time of panic or

distress, or wanting to act, like, hyper feminine if they were born

female-bodied, to convince themselves that they’re not trans, but

I just want people to know that being trans is a real thing. I espe-

cially want other people who are more conservative to read the book and really get it.

Because there are a lot of negative opinions

out there. I want people to realize being trans is just people being

true to themselves.

*****

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